A list of some funny jokes and habits you pick up while staying in Japan that Maru-chan (my JPP friend, neighbor) found on the Internet. Already taken out the most difficult ones to understand and tried to explain what is meant so now and then! When there is still confusion, let me know or see for yourself when I am back in my little pancake land... Enjoy!You’ve been in Japan too long when ......you notice you've forgotten how to tie shoelaces.
...you rush onto an escalator, and just stand there.
...you find yourself bowing while you talk on the phone.
...when you are talking on the telephone with home and your friend says, "Why are you interrupting my explanations with grunts?" (Aisatsu, or active listening)
...you see a gaijin get on the train and think "Wow, it's a gaijin!" (foreigner)
...you start thinking can-coffee tastes good. (it is not all that bad…!)
...you have trouble figuring out how many syllables there really are in words like 'building'. (in Japanese six…)
...you think the opposite of red is white.
...when you do "yanki-zuwari" waiting for a bus to come. (sitting low to the ground, or in Dutch “gehurkt”)
...you phone an English-speaking gaijin friend and somehow can't bring yourself to get to the point for the first 3 minutes of the conversation.
...you automatically remember all of your important year dates in Showa numbers. (date of birth showa 59..!)
...you think every foreign movie title contains the word 'love.'
...you think birds cry. (and thy do..! at least in Japanese…)
...you get blasted by a political speaker truck and think "sho ga nai..." (nothing there is I can do about it…)
...you develop a liking for green tea flavored ice cream.
...you're talking to your mother on the phone, and she asks you what "genki" means. (healthy, good, alright!!)
...you think wet umbrellas need condoms. (this is really true though!They do!!... to give you an explanation… when you enter a building, you put an plastic bag around your umbrella so you wont wet your clothes or surroundings, or yet worse, those of others…)
...you have mastered the art of simultaneous bowing and hand-shaking. (this is a real art… and after a while.. comes naturally…!)
...you have run out of snappy comebacks to compliments about your chopstick skills.
...you think 4 layers of wrapping is reasonable for a simple piece of merchandise.
...you don't find anything strange about a city that puts a life sized, red-and-white painted Eiffel tower imitation in its center, as well as Statue of Liberty and a scale model of the Versaille Palace for its Crown Prince.
...when you get on a train with a number of gaijin on it and you feel uneasy because the harmony is broken.
...you ask fellow foreigners the all-important question "How long have you been here?" in order to be able to properly categorize them.
...when looking out the window of your office, you think "Wow, so many trees!" Instead of "Wow, so much concrete!" (actually never looked out of the window…, although I am working on the 12th floor!)
...you think curry rice is food. (I tell you this… it is not!)
...when in the middle of nowhere, totally surrounded by rice fields and abundant nature, you aren't surprised to find a drink vending machine with no visible means of a power supply...
...and when you think nothing of it when that lonely vending machine says 'thank you' after you buy a coke.
...a non-Japanese sits down next to you on the train and you get up and move. You're not prejudiced, but who knows what they might do?
....you have a dozen of plastic transparent umbrellas in your entrance. (bought for 500 yen – 3 euros, ANYWHERE throughout Tokyo and Japan)
...when your arguing with someone about the color of the traffic light being blue or green...and you think it's blue. (free toilets and traffic lights ARE blue…!)
...you think rice imports should be prohibited, because Japanese consumers would never buy imported rice.
...you get a "Nihongo ga joozu" and feel really insulted. (meaning your Japanese is good… you also (just like youre good with chopsticks) run out of good comments on this on)\
...you see a road with two lanes going in the same direction and assume the one on the left is meant for parking. (For what else?)
...when you pull out your ruler to underline words.(or worse your three colored-pen)
...when having gaijin around you is a source of stress.
...you return the bow from the cash machine.
...you can't find the "open" and "close" buttons in the elevator because they're in English.
...when you think children should have to walk around in the freezing cold with only short sleeves and shorts up to their butt. (They are only allowed to change clothes at specific dates, indicating change of season)
...you can do arithmetic using man, oku, cho and kei.(And I will tell you, I cant!!!)
...you bow to other drivers who give you the right of way.
...you fully understand the concept of "cute culture." (in my offence, there is a lot of cute stuff here!)
... you think cod roe spaghetti with chilled red wine is a typical Italian dish. (Who is gonna teach this WHOLE country that red wine doesn’t belong in the fridge?!?!??!)
...you run for the Yamanote line (metro) pushing people left and right, jump on the train holding the doors open to let your bag follow you on. Because you know there will not be another one for at least a minute. (comes every two minutes)
...you no longer pay any attention to what anyone does when you sit down beside them on a train.
...when you write or phone home and say things like "In Japan we..."
...you find yourself apologizing at least three times per conversation. (and I do do so… it must be weird to hear…even my Dutch friends tell me to stop it)
...you buy an individually wrapped apple in the supermarket. (for 2 euros)
...you have to pause and translate your phone number into English before telling it to someone. (this is true in any language…)
...you order a "bottle of draft" in a pub.
...you are speaking in English but all references to money are in Japanese.
...when you draw a sharp distinction between "English" and "English conversation." (because there is a CLEAR difference)
...you use the "slasher hand" and continuous bowing to make your way through a crowd. (come in handy, as everybody understands what you want)
...you put eleven 10 yen coins in the vending machine before you notice it's sold out. (or like me last week, before you notice the door is open, behind it is a guy filling up the machine, and look only somewhat surprised when a hand comes from the right of the machine and hands you your coke, before you rush into the bullet train…)
...you are embarrassed because you don't have the NHK sticker on your door and the neighbors do. (means you don’t pay for watching TV, like I do…)
...you return from a hiking trip with brand-new, unscratched, unsoiled, top-of-the-line hiking gear. (as all mountains are paved up to the top… if not, have escalators!!!)
...you are disgusted by the thought of someone eating miso soup with a spoon.(that is disgusting though!)
...when you've learned to write you fours so that they don't look like 9s to the Japanese.
...if you don't wonder that all Japanese believe their ancestors were samurai.
...when you've noticed a marked tendency to say 'this one' instead of 'this' when using the word as a noun.
...if you have problems differentiating between "ancestor" and "decendent"...
...when you "send" someone to the station (or "send" a person standing right next to you a gift).
...if you have adjusted to Japanese automatic doors, which are oh-so-subtly different from the ones back home. (I must admit, two weeks ago I have been standing in front of a door at least five seconds before someone came and opened it for me!!! Does that still exist, doors that don’t open by themselves?)
...when you visit your home and when trying to enter your bedroom, you first try to slide the door open, then pull, then just before you yell from frustration, you realize you gotta push. (with this as a consequence)
...you get into the elevator and immediately push the "close door" button. (to avoid having other people waiting for you)
...you get disgusted when a "foreigner" tosses his business card on the table to you.(that is aweful!)
...you return home and find it odd that there is no speaker blaring music for you when the pedestrian crossing signal is 'walk.'
...when you pronounce words like "mix" as having three syllibles.
....when, on a cloudy day you open up your umbrella because everyone else has, even though you have not felt a drop of rain.
...when you "drink" pills.(instead of having them)
...you start to believe that "foreigner" is an adequate physical description, nationality or ethnotype. (is it not?)
...you see a trip to your local karaoke booth place as a 'complete night
out' (dinner, drinks, entertainment) (It is!!! Believe you me!).
... You instinctively know the opening hours of all ATMs in your area. (you got to!)
... You instinctively know to take out enough cash on a Friday to last the
weekend, because of those tricky weekend ATM opening hours.
... When you get back home and wave down a taxi and stand in front of the rear door waiting for it to open. (doors open automatically!! I tell you!)
And one of my own experiences of this week... when your friends tell you to stop saying that you dont wanna cause any trouble for them, and stop apologizing for the bother (of having to take care of me, as I am sick! waaahhh!), and when you colleagues tell you to stop being so Japanese... there is no need for it!!! And they are right...!
After a too busy week, and leading a working life too much like a Japanese, I have come to admit I am not and should not want to be, because this is the consequence... having a fewer lying in bed...! Good that it gives me some time to think things over and get back to myself!
Further, there is really no need to worry, everybody (Nichirangakkai, Dutch friends, colleagues, Japanese friends) are calling me every day to check if I am doing alright and need anything! Will be better in just a bit!!!
Kisses x x x Kilu
